When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
