You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
