I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
