i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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