i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
