can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
