I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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