like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Vodka?
Forever.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
