She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
