I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
