Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
