i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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