my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
