Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I want her autograph on my taint
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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