She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
