He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
