I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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