Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I puked a lego.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize