So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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