There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
why do cheetos always look like penises
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
