you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
