the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
