if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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