Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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