Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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