No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
