is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
