To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sorry my hands just texted you
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
