I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
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Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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