I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
