Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
