In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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