I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
