Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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