Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
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I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now