She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
