my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Randomize
