Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
