If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Don't tell me you're on acid again