marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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