I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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