Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
