so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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