Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
