just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
