haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
