i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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