UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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