One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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