those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
