I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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