I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
