I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
