There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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