I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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