If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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