I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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