piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
