We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
