It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
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I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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