The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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