To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
