dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
