Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
