I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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