we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
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FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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