"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
