did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
