hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
