Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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