apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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