My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
love makes seman taste better
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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