i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dignity is for republicans.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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