Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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