please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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