She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
