so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
