i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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