After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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