i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
