Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
