I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
